The last point of time, when I danced during my first stint since starting at age 6, was in year 1998. It was god's grace that when I left Karwar, and went for my studies or on my first job, I found dance teachers close to my place of stay, and ensured I joined the classes. They were also good to me, by ensuring I picked on their style fast enough and proceeded learning further, acknowledging my skills by offering me some really good opportunities to perform, as Shakuntala in a dance drama conducted by multiple dance classes of Hubli together or the prestigious Pune Ganesh festival, which, unfortunately I did not take up, as education or the new job I was in, became priorities during that period of life.
I then moved to Bangalore and again found a class across my street. But the wish was now to really continue further, than repeating from beginning so many times and to be able to take up my senior exam. And the self-doubt that had crept in my mind about not being able to pursue without breaks, started becoming a little shrub now. I wanted to find the right teacher who will help me.
In the meanwhile I got married and all in my new family knew of my dancing skills and were very encouraging. With some search on the early days of the Google (year 2000), I found a class nearby. My mother-in-law who had also trained in her childhood, came with me to search for the class. But as luck would have it, I got the address wrong.
By now, the self-doubt was growing into a tree. The wall of "what-if"s was building up around.
What if I have to break again?
What if I cannot find "time" to attend classes?
What if the classes are only on weekdays? My office is far, long travels
What if I cant practice well?
What if? What if? What if?.........
So, what did I do? I gave up (for all my talk on perseverance, right?).. didn't try searching again for the class. I knew I wanted to be under that Guru, but I still didn't follow up, simply thanks to the self-doubts. Life moved on, son, daughter were born. It was already 14 years since I stopped dancing. But I realized now, my daughter could dance. I needed a way to inspire her to pick classical dancing. And as luck would have it, or whether it was God's grace again, I met my best friend, who was in the same boat as me and we started dancing again together.
That was the start of my second stint. We used the first chance we got in our office, to go on stage and get ourselves high with dancing with costume😄 . We also started teaching a few girls in our teams and getting them on stage. Related blogs here and here. When my daughter crossed 4, I finally tried again and found the Guru I wanted to be with. I wrote to her, very unsure of myself, and her one statement "Once a dancer, always a dancer" inspired me forever. Though my daughter was in class now, I was still staying away from active classes. But finally the mind won, and its been now almost 9 years, and I have been learning Kuchipudi now, instead of Bharatanatyam which I had done in my early days.
It was a lot of new learning, but more adapting my body and subconscious mind to the new style. Dancing a style for long, can create a huge muscle-memory which had to be updated. Age factor wasn't helping either. Aches and pains had to be dealt with mentally first, then physically. Giving up for these small things, though painful, was not an option. I did once, and I had learnt my lesson.
Here I am now, dancing, choreographing, teaching at times, writing blogs, reports, reviews of performances, making videos, etc etc. all related to dancing and there is so much more I can do . And I realize more and more as I think over it, that it was all my mind which played the "what-if"s. I had the time if I desired, I could build the stamina I needed, I could learn inspite of constraints.
There are no constraints on the human mind, no walls around the human spirit, no barriers to our progress except those we ourselves erect. - Ronald Reagen
Mindset: Key to change
Breaking Mindset barriers : Self doubt is the biggest enemy when it comes to self growth or leadership. As a leader, its important to realize that self-doubt will not just harm our growth but also restrict us from taking risks that are paramount to take up new challenges or even enable our team's growth. Also, not taking risks will not allow us to realize our own potential and capabilities.
Its important to overcome the fear of failure, and develop a mindset that helps us experiment, develop and reach new heights.
Learning has no beginning, no end : In the fast changing world, its important to keep learning, to stay up-to-date with the market and technologies, and also the mindset of the new generation. Try dabbling into new arenas of the new world, like blogging, related to your expertise. Try connecting your expertise with a cross topic, and imagine new theories 😄. To burn the self-doubts, remove the source of them. The day you say, “I know it all” and that would be the end of your leadership. This ignorance and this attitude could lead to stagnancy and loss of focus and trust.
Stay Put, do not give in to small discomforts or failures. Persevere, as there are bigger awards waiting for you at the end (I wouldnt use the phrase "end of the journey", as I believe, the journey should be endless).
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